moontique

Sure Yami...hehehe.

Actually I was hoping to propel this club to more recognition locally but for now, I think you guys work on your skills first.

=) Ganbatte oh! Anyone brave enough to post their work yet? ^^

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xyamix

I have 1 completed work but it has a slight yaoi-ness to it. ^^;; Maybe I can post up the first chapter?

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moontique

Sure...^^

Everyone else can then give their opinions. Minna-san, please be tactful when giving honest opinions, k? I don't want to see any flaming here, seriously.

If you feel there's something that needs to be corrected, simply point it out and give constructive criticism. ^^

In short, no comments like "This story / drawing sucks!!!"

We're all here to help one another so play nice, ne? =)

Thanks all. ^^

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xyamix

Title: My Tale
Author: Yami
Genre Rating:
Shonen Ai - ☻☻☻
Romance - ☻☻☻☻
Gore - ☻
Fantasy - ☻☻☻
Tragedy - ☻☻☻☻
Summary: A personal recount of a lost soul who has faced nothing but lose. He yearns to love. He yearns to be loved. When his first lover died, there was a curved mark on the back of his left shoulder. What was this mark? What has it got to do with this lost soul?
Author`s Note: I was really depress and sad when i wrote this. So i hope you guys understand.

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Chapter 1
When moon is our only companion
When darkness engulfs all
We lay still
We hear them call

Time stops
Memory gone
When all is holy
Something new is born

The only thing that I have ever loved so much other than my “family” is the moon. I have no particular reason but nothing comes close to its beauty. I love the moon, I adore the moon, and I admire the moon. Whatever it is, nothing has ever been bad about the moon. Nothing can be bad.

I was brought up in an alley. Nothing was right. No one cared about the existence of other beings. They were selfish. All they ever thought of were themselves. But I was different. I would like to think of it like that; different. I had siblings. I knew their existence and I want to take care of them.

Hana and Ai are twins. They do everything together. They are about 16 this year. Tsuchi should be 14 now. He is a loner. He keeps to himself most of the time. It does not bother me at all. Just as long as he is far from trouble. As for me, I am 20. I am their eldest brother.

Well, this story may touch or hurt you but nonetheless, I would like to share.

I was only 12 years of age when both my parents were killed by stray wolves. It was not the kind of thing you would see in movies. Where the victims scream their lungs out and then die from blood lost before the wolves would finish them. No, this was… different. The wolves gripped onto the arms and legs of my parents. I can hear the breaking of bones. I saw blood gushing out of their torn limbs. I heard them call out to me to bring my siblings to safety. But fear nailed me to the ground. I could not even blink for fear the wolves might take me too. In the background, I heard small, muffled cries. My siblings were in danger. I snapped out of it and carried them far away from the bloody scene.

Time does not heal all wounds. I wake up every night drenched in cold sweat, screaming in fear. The wolves might have followed my scent to finish the rest of us. I spent so little time sleeping I feel like the undead. I have to constantly keep a look out for my brother and sisters.

When I turned 16, I met someone. Someone I could rely on, someone who was always there next to me to cheer me on through my imperfect days, someone whom I could love and not betray me. He was Hareshi.

Yes, many would tell me that I’m too young to be in love. But how would you know when you are ready? How can someone determine that what they are feeling is love? How does love feel?

I didn’t need to know all that. All I know is that when Hareshi is around, my world becomes complete. Even if he could not guarantee us a secured future, we know that things would be alright as long as he is there. Hana, Ai and Tsuchi were always happy around him. Seeing them smile is like getting a blessing from God.

My nightmares receded. But if it does occur, Hareshi was there. He would hug me around his strong, firm arms and reassure me that everything is fine. He would then plant a kiss on my forehead before putting me back to sleep. Even though I’m already asleep, I can still feel his warm breath dancing on the nape of my neck. His fingers intertwined in mine. He would stay so close so I won’t feel cold.

One night, I heard a familiar cry asking for help. I had to help that crying child. My guts were telling me that I might regret if I had not look for that crying child. I ran, as fast as I could towards the direction of the cry. Hareshi was close behind me.

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moontique

Hmm, actually now that I think of it...Mercedes Lackey's novels also have same-gender love...

I think you meant 'loss', right? =)

Hmm..also do keep your past tense constant. There's a mixture of present and past tense in your paragraphs. Do try to take note especially when you're narrating a story which happened in the past.

In fact, I think it's better that you keep everything to the past tense. =)

'With' will be a better choice of word.

Also...just fyi, could so instead of 'can', you may like to use 'could'.

That's all for now. =)

Not a bad effort.

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moontique

links list updated. =)

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Shinsō

Does the child die? XD *eyes gleam* more gory scenes! ^^

Where the victims scream their lungs out and then die from blood lost before the wolves would finish them(sounds weird somehow ><). No, this was… different. The wolves gripped onto the arms and legs of my parents.(mm.. maybe something like "I saw a flash of silver before the wolves' sharp teeth dug into...gripping their limbs in a deathly hold" would give a more vivid and clear image? XD

the poem~ I like. XD *can't write poems for nuts*

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Harenai

i'm like really out of topic, but just wondering, can anyone teach me how to make a blog???? hehe....

i wanna post me stuff there..but i dont know how to create a blog..><

Shinsō

lol what do you want to use? LJ blogger or.. er. xanga? ><

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moontique

I like the poem too..=)

Yeah, blood loss would be more appropriate instead of blood lost.

Harenai, it's easy to set up a blog. Most providers will walk you through the process. Blogger is a good place to start coz no ads...^^

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BenJ

Damn, the thread moves behind really fast...

We really need more ppl & discussions~

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ChillHat

im interested to join count me in!!! =D

moontique

name list updated liaoz =) Welcome to the group, ChillHat!

BenJ, it's ok really. You guys can start discussing first. What do you think of Yami's story? ^^

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bardsmanship

Go to http://www.wordpress.com/ and register!

moontique

Hi guys, details of the Mangaka 08 will be up soon around Feb, I think so stay tuned for more details of this mangaka competition, k?

=)

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